how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
