So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
