So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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