i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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