doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
