There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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