So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
