I have demons in me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
