I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
