You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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