There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
