i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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