Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
