who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
