hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
