I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
