i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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