Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
