is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
