I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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