i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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