If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
