Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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