I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
