shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
