sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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