Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
