I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize