yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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