Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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