Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
