Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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