Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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