i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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