Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
vagina is talking i cant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
