I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
