there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
