my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do herpes really smell.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
