...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
