using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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