I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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