the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
