The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
