you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
