i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
