I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
