sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
