Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
