I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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