I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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