I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
