she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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