Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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