its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
