Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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