Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
