Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
