We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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