Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
